Do you tell lies? Are you a liar?
Have you ever lied about how you are feeling? Lied about the reason you rarely go any where?
Lied about the fresh scar on your knee or forehead? A new bruise on your arm?
Not told the truth about your lack of participation in social events?
Maybe fibbed about why you dropped out of book club or don't care to serve on a special board or gathering?
Cut yourself off from friends, family, even strangers because you feared how the MonSter would behave in a particular situation?
Stopped going to yoga or the pool because you refused to be subject to (possible/probable) ridicule or unwanted comments or questions concerning your method of participation? (You KNOW that is NOT where your hands are supposed to be, but that's the only way they work today!)
Raise your hand if you have never told a lie about your MS.
polite cough in the back row
looks of shame
That's what I thought. You are all liars. We all are.
So, what do we do about it? How do we deal with out lies while to recognizing the fact that others lie to us daily?
I took a drive to an old stomping ground yesterday. Although I am no longer an active participate in this highly prestigious organization I stop by every now and then to "sign the book" and say "hey" to surviving regulars.
I served as president of the women's auxiliary to a primarily men's organization for several years and at one time was a presence there multiple times a week,whether working on a project or partaking of an adult beverage. I was at home there and relatively respected. My closest friends were there. These people were my extended family. My heart and mind still visit often.
Unfortunately I have learned that there are negative consequences to visiting: I have to drive a few miles.Then there is the unpredictable bathroom issue. Also my increasing intolerance to cigarette smoke, loud noises and tall chairs. In case you haven't already added up the hints, I am talking about our local VFW. Once labelled as n old man's club, Veterans of Foreign Wars is an awesome resource for not only military veteras, but family of said veterans as well as children and young people across the world. I love my VFW and have many found memories of my time there.
I stopped there last week for a brief few minutes. Long enough to get my name on the weekly prize drawing book. I had no expectation of staying or even seeing many people I normally talk with since it was not the busy hour.
But, gosh and by golly, as I left the building who should appear but one of my dearest VFW friends. I know my smile was splitting my entire face. She and I used to do everything together. She was probably my best-est fried at that time in my life.
I opened my arms wide in greeting. She brushed past and offered a half smile and a hurried question about seating before shooing off off saying something about getting "in there" because it was just hot to stand outside.
At one time I would have excused this behavior because maybe she thought I just was arriving and would join her, but it was obvious by my physical positioning that I was leaving. No "hi" bye" "see ya". She just left me watching there in the MonSter heat. (Pun intended.)
And, so I did.stand there in the heat, red faced, heart melting, tears threatening...
That's when I fully understood that life before MS is just that ...life before MS. Those friends are in the past.
Not many people have checked in me in the years I've been gone from there and I can honestly say NO ONE has visited me since I moved to a neighboring town ten years ago. All those good intentions our the window. It's always been me finding my way back into their world.
My husband recently told me that he jut "doesn't know what to do to help me". that is probably the reasoning behind the reactions we get. Here's my reaction to that: Do for others what you would want done for you. Stop lying and get creative.
This is not a pity party. It's just a rock hard fact. So, who's the liar here? Them because of their ancient sworn allegiance or me because I kept thinking I could go back?
Well, buttercup, guess what?
You can never go back.
Just like my foot drop will never go away. I had to stop lying to myself about that recently.
This recent MS life is the truth. This is life in the present. This is life with multiple sclerosis.
So, what are you going to do about it?
Stop standing the sun waiting for hug. It' not going to happen. Stop lying to yourself. It they didn't try to understand before diagnosis, they probably never will. It's requires too much effort.
And you do't have time for that.Get busy. Find a different purpose
Focus on different friendships. Discover something new.
Knit or crochet projects to donate to cancer patients. Just because your body hosts this unwelcome disease doesn't make you worthless. Stop believing that lie. www.KnotsofLove.org
Volunteer at an MS event. You don't have to walk or swim in the given event. Be a greeter, an organizer, a friendly face at the end o the finish line. You'll meet loads of potential friends, all with something huge in common: They get it. They are not lying.
Purchase products that openly support MS research. (Me! Buy my book! I donate a large portion of my sales to NMSS. And you, the reader, learn something about the MonSter!)
Physical fitness gym owners: cut us price break! Even without the official DMV placard, we ARE HANDICAPPED!
WE NEED YOUR HELP! Exercise is essential to our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Try it. I'm not lying.
Because Netflix is my new VFW doesn't make me less important. It gives me time to knit chemo hats or do my stretching or PT exercises while watching.
I refuse to allow my past ruin my present.
I don't want to be a liar.
I Have MS. What's Your Super Power? not the book for you? There are plenty of other MKS authors out there with awesome words to share about multiple sclerosis. Many of them are on Amazon so don't make me miss my dentist appointment to look them up for you. I will make it easy for you. Click on the link at the bottom of the page.