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Letters to the MonSter

Dear MonSter,

I would like to blame this on you, but I can see your evil, little head just bursting with pride. THAT's not going to happen.
 No, this was a totally a random, weird, mysterious car malfunction. My son and I parked outside an area pizza establishment to pick up dinner.  I went inside to get the pizza, came back to the car, laced the pizza on the back seat, positioned myself in the driver's seat, started the car (with my foot on the brake), and put the car in reverse. There was a horrible thunderous, grinding noise. Before my son could form a question, the car shot back wards into that pole you see in the background. I had no brakes. 

We ended up trying to climb the pole in reverse.

I finally jammed the transmission into Drive and the car took the hint and shot (and I mean SHOT) forward headed toward that wall in front of us. I managed to turn the wheel enough to the left to avoid a head on.

That's what happened to the side of the car that you see.

The air bags activated at some point, but my brain is a little foggy with that detail.

Witnesses rushed forward and urged us to "evacuate the vehicle" (their words).

Smoke was rolling from the dash board and continue to do so until the tow truck arrive an hour later.

Non one was hurt, I didn't hit anyone or anything other than the pole and the wall and they were actually fine.

So...I've been without transportation for nearly two weeks. That means no PT, no unplanned grocery trips, cancelling all appointments, whether social or medical.

Wah, wah, wah.

You're right: Poop happens. (I cannot force myself to insert the popular emoji for that. It disgusts me every time I see it.)

All this brings me to my next predicament(s), bringing you constant companion to your feet in glee. For anyone who doesn't know already, hosting the MonSter is a very expensive disease. I begin my trial with a new disease-modifying drug next week. I have no idea what the insurance will do with that.
 I recently purchased an AFO for which I have not paid off and I cannot find affordable to shoes to wear with it, so I can't even practice walking with it.

I've "broken" two shoes so far in my efforts to bond with this thing. It easily adds two sizes to my current shoe size. I'm a little proud when it comes to my appearance, so I have a bit of a shoe collection. I realize that we have to do what we have to, but there are times when I have to put my best shoe forward. There is no way I can replace all of my footwear.

I would be happy to find one suitable pair of everyday shoes to accommodate the pink leg, but my research has come to a halt. 
After visiting a place that sells diabetic shoes, and a company that specializes in all things orthopedic, my latest option is to order on line.


Are they crazy? I have never ordered shoes on line. They rarely fit right. In a situation such as this, my foot has to be in the same place as said footwear. Especially as the quoted prices of costume work.

I know I am not alone in this quandary. Since my physical therapist, pharmacists, and shoe specialists do not seem to have an answer, I am truly baffled.

HELP. Where do you get your special shoes?

I'm finished with that rant for now.

Because, let's get back to the car situation.

The insurance company was a quick as possible in assuring me a claim check (or whatever you call it). In the mean time I made the decision to use that check to purchase the least expensive vehicle I could find. Having driven SUV-type cars for several years, I realized that my time in a Sedan make was over. I had to "get off the ground" and be able to step up into my vehicle and not fall into it. 

My choices were rather limited due to financing responsibilities. I found the one I wanted. Unfortunately it was not a popular choice amongst my many advisers. And, no, I am not kowtowing to the thoughts of other folks. They were viable reason why my first choice might not be the best on for me. Although the check was hefty, there would still be a bit of a monthly payment with any of my choices. The amount of said payment was up to me.

My logical brain told me one thing, but in the end my need to please all members of the household won out.

KIA Soul, one millionth model of which there are only 1,000 in existence. Wow!

Wow us right and destiny allowed me to relish in it for a while.

Then Buyers Remorse hit and hit hard.

Although the monthly payments are minimal in the world of car payments, they could have been cut in half with my initial choice.

I have enough expenses with which to contend. I really didn't need nor want another one.

Add to the fact that I can longer hold a full-time job, there are obvious living expenses to meet, and my son is anticipating college in the fall. 

I see you, MonSter, sitting over there in the corner sipping your wicked cocktail an enjoying the show.

ESPECIALLY after what occurred last evening. 

My son, the love of my life, the reason I still walk (limp) this earth lost his best friend last night.

While visiting my bestie and showing off my new acquisition, my phone rang. My son rarely calls me and even more rarely requires my presence.

I collected my knitting, found my new key-less lock fob (yep, it's a fancy car), and left my friend with a promise I would get back to her as soon as I had more details.

Praying for the three mile journey across the river, I rushed into the house expecting to find blood shed, a dead cat, or a prone body barring my entrance.

None of that.

In reality, something far worse in the eyes of my son.

His impressive, high-tech,  personally built computer crashed.

It sucked the life right of him. Especially since he didn't have school today and had plans of thirty-six straight hours of gaming with his on-line pals. 

He was crying. His best friend had died.

I was crying. My impulsive car purchase reminded me of the true importance of life. 

Because as mother's we must focus on giving our children all that we have, whether it be emotionally or financially. True, my son has had no interest in getting his driver's license until Mamma brought home the "cool" car, but even that milestone lost it's shine in the wake of tragedy. In my mind I mourned with him while fighting images of cha-chingA. J. Quimby, Nantasy Fantasy, IGMA artisan - old fashioned wooden cash register, complete with coin inserts in drawer, bought in 2013 on ebay. My plan is to use this in a toy store

So, here we are, cancelling yet another PT appointment; this time in lieu of a visit to the computer ER. Of course we'll get to ride in the new car to spill any and all non-existing extra change at the hands of our computer repair wizard.

The point of all this is: Life throws us many unexpected, unwanted curved balls. It is our job to maintain control, not sweat the small stuff, and remember that MS Warriors are fierce. Much  than you are, MonSter.

So, there.

Until next time,


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