I am really, really mad at you right now. Normally I refuse to place blame on anyone or anything for which I have some semblance of control. I am in charge of my life and I will not honor anything as evil as you in taking credit for anything that forces my emotions to jump out with such force. But, today, I have to. You are the culprit in all that is cry-worthy.
You and you alone are the reason that my son has closed himself up in his room right now. He came to me a while ago to ask about lunch. I knew it was time to feed us and I was anxious to do jut that. But when he found me here at my desk I was not entertaining the menu. I was crying.
No, I was sobbing. Full blown, snot producing anxiety attack wretches.
Why? Hell if I know. but once it started there was no controlling it.
I tried to tell him that I was just wasting important time feeling sorry for myself, but I could't get enough air in my lungs to talk. Forget about trying to fake it and covering up the apparent tears with an artificial allergy attack. There would be no fooling him.
So, I finally got myself under medium control and ventured to the kitchen to prepare a grilled cheese sandwich. I even managed to manufacture a silly joke about a couple of "finds" during my morning cleaning chores. But, he didn't buy it. I know he didn't. He's too smart for that.
And he didn't talk about it.
And I didn't talk about it.
Now he has reverted to his cyber friends and the communication line is drawn between us.
I don't want to scare him and he has to be concerned. I am also. This crazy unpredictable emotional outburst has happened all too often as of late.
And it's ll our fault.
You are the reason I could not cut that cheese sandwich in two.
YOU are the reason I could not catch my breath in lieu of uncontrollable sobs.
YOU are the reason I cannot walk to my neighbor's house to return a book.
YOU, my MonSter, ruined my anniversary weekend and YOU are why I cannot enjoy the little things in life like taking a walk, writing a letter, or playing the piano. YOU have even begun to affect my knitting. What is wrong with you? what would you have me do? Just stare at the walls all day?
Well, you see, "idle hands" is a dangerous subject. If mine are not working on something, my mind is devising evil plans all my own.
YOU have taken so many things away from me and you're not satisfied as you continue to strip away any type of enjoyment from my life.
YOU are a horrible, horrible being and I hate you.
It is bad enough that you have chosen me as your victim, but when you target my family I feel non sympathy. My wrath will be unleashed and I will attack when you least expect it.
So, you keep sporting that silly smirk. I'm hopped up on a double dose of Zoloft and I plan to enjoy my day. Beware. There will be laughter later. The tears are beginning to dry up and you are not welcome in my house for the remainder of the day.